


It'll Never Be Me

by whiskeypotatoes



Series: Russian!Kara [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lena and Kara are dating, Lena knows Kara is supergirl, Russian!Kara, Russian!Kara needs a hug, SuperCorp, i still suck at tags, new to writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 23:16:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16753336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiskeypotatoes/pseuds/whiskeypotatoes
Summary: Russian!Kara beats some sense into Supergirl because Supergirl was not treating Lena right.





	It'll Never Be Me

**Author's Note:**

> All in Russian!Kara POV. I assumed Russian!Kara knows English at this point! Took some ideas and dialogues from 4x07. 
> 
> 4x07 was too sad and Lena Luthor needs a hug (also I really like writing about Russian!Kara) so this chapter is born. Still new to writing. Enjoy!

**-At a Rooftop near L-Corp-**

 

I’ve been hanging around the rooftop of the building next to L-Corp for a few months now. More precisely, since the Russian’s attack on the DEO. I didn’t return to Russia after that… No, I couldn’t return to Russia after that… especially not after betraying my country for a woman who I barely knew. The Russians thought I was captured and killed by the DEO while the DEO thought I returned to Russia. Either way, it didn’t matter.

 

The past few months I have just been trying my best to look over her, protect her. I’ve also picked up English just so I could better understand what was going on around her. And this place happens to be the best spot for me to listen to any conversation taking place within the building and observe what’s happening with  _her_  while remaining undetected.

 

It’s a pretty effective lookout spot as I was able to protect her from assassins and thugs who wanted to hurt her, without her noticing… well, for the most part at least. 

 

* * *

 

 

**-FLASHBACK-**

I was sitting at my usual lookout rooftop as I observed her from a distance. She was watching a breaking news report of Supergirl saving citizens trapped in a building engulfed in flames.

“Of course, why would I expect any different?” I said as I let out a scoff.

 

While watching over her, I suddenly saw four red dots aimed at her. I looked around using my x-ray vision and found that there were snipers located at the rooftops of nearby buildings from all 4 corners of the office. As I heard the sound of the sniper rifles cock, I knew I wouldn’t be able to knock all of them out before they pull the trigger.  _Screw my cover._ Without a second thought, I flew into her office and shielded her from the incoming bullets.

 

“Wha-” She said in a daze as the bullet shells fell onto the floor.

 

“It’s fine. You’re fine.” Our eyes met for a split second before I flew off. I shot lasers at all the sniper rifles and cut them in half before attacking each sniper one by one. I left them all with a few broken ribs and dislocated limbs.  _No one_  gets off hurting her that easily.

 

**-END OF FLASHBACK-**

  

* * *

 

 

Well, since then, I’ve probably been caught protecting her a few more times.  _So much for protecting her from a far._ But that doesn’t deter me from doing what I’m doing. I know it’s not my place to protect her... I know she has  _Supergirl_  to do that for her… but I just can’t control myself. Every time I don’t see her or hear her, I feel a wave of fear rush over me.  _I’m KARA STARIKOV_ ,  _I don’t FEAR. But when it comes to her, anything is possible. I do things I never thought I would._   Like what I’m doing now, listening for her from a rooftop.

 

I saw her walking into her office with another blonde hair lady.

 

“Eve, how’s the Harun-El treatments going?” She asked.

 

“Miss Luthor. One of the hearts flatlined. The tumors were still growing.” The blonde girl who I assume is Eve replied.

 

“Take a biopsy, we’ll destroy the sample.” She said with a defeated sigh.

 

“Miss Luthor. You’re trying to cure cancer, it’s going to take time.” Eve replied.

 

“I just don’t get why the Harun-El isn’t working the way it should. There’s nothing wrong with my calculations.”

 

“What Harun-El?” Kara asked as she walked in with a bouquet of flowers in her hand _. In case you’re wondering, Kara is Supergirl’s alter-ego. Just without her suit._

“Kara… W-Why are you here? It’s not lunchtime yet…”

 

“My interview got canceled so I thought I’d drop by early. Now tell me, what Harun-El were you talking about?” Supergirl replied, void of any emotions.

 

“Eve, could you excuse us?” She said, with a slight tremble in her voice.

 

“Yes, Miss Luthor.” Eve replied as she headed towards the door.

 

“Kara, it’s not what you think.” Lena spoke up after Eve left her office.

 

“It’s not? Then tell me, why am I hearing you talk about Harun-El, which might I remind you, that you’re not supposed to have!” Kara said as her voice gradually became louder.

 

“I kept some from last time. But, I had a valid reason! The Harun-El has so much potential that we could tap into! I’m experimenting it on hearts which could potentially cu-“

 

“Wait, what?! You’re  _experimenting_ on it? Are you out of your mind? IT’S DANGEROUS! YOU DO NOT PLAY WITH THINGS YOU DO NOT FULLY UNDERSTAND!” Kara replied, anger seeping through her voice.

 

“I’m a scientist, Kara.  _Playing_ with things I do not understand  _is EXACTLY what I do for a living.”_ Lena said firmly, followed by a sigh. “I know what I’m doing, just trust me.” Lena said softly.

 

“TRUST YOU? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TRUST YOU? YOU LIED, LENA. We agreed that Harun-El was too dangerous and none should remain on Earth! I  _trusted_  you to not keep any, but look at you now. You’re experimenting with the thing that you claimed to not have!” Kara shouted, her anger and frustration showing through.

 

“Kara, I-”

 

“Just stop. You went behind my back and used my trust for you against me. I believed you, and you lied.  _You’re the one who broke this trust_.” And Kara stormed off towards the balcony.

 

“Kara, wa-…” She said as she ran after Kara but stopped in her tracks, looking at the retreating figure of Kara in the sky.

 

“Why can’t you see why I’m doing this? If I succeed, I could cure cancer... If I succeed, I could make superhumans... I could be super too, and you won’t ever have to be alone. You won’t ever have to see all the people you love leave you one by one as they die of old age. I could live forever,  _with you._ ” She said, her voice trembling and breaking slightly.

 

Her shoulders were shaking, her chest was heaving up and down. She’s…  _crying. Again. How do I make it stop? Please, just stop crying._ With a soft thud, I landed on her balcony. Our gaze met and her teary eyes widened. She held her breath and her heart started pounding against her chest.  _Is she scared?_

 

“Your heart is racing.” I said, as I walked towards her.

 

She just stared at me as she slowly retreated backwards,  _away from me_. She eventually backed into her table and I stopped in my tracks as well, trying to keep a distance between us.

 

“You’re hurting... Let me help you.” I said as I slowly approached her.

 

“I’m not hurt. I don’t need help.” She said, grabbing a pen from her table and pointing it out. With nowhere to back to, I was soon standing right in front of her, few inches apart.  

 

I grabbed the hand that she held out and placed her hand where my heart was. “No, you’re hurting here.” I whispered and I pulled her into a tight embrace. I felt her heart resuming its normal pace and her breathing stable. Her arms dropped to her side and I heard the pen fall onto the ground. She held me tightly and started bawling into my chest, muffling the sounds of her cries. Each cry felt like a stab into my heart.  _Why? Why do you cry for her? Why do you let her treat you like this?_

After letting her cry for a while, she calmed down. As if realizing what she’s done, she shoved me away.  _I miss her warmth already._  “You should probably leave.” She said as she turned around and headed towards the door.

 

She was a few steps away from the door when she suddenly said, “Thank you. I really needed that.” She turned her head towards me and gave me a small smile.  _It was breathtaking._

“Wait.” I said as I sped to the door and stopped her from opening the door.

 

“Why do you let her do this to you? You don’t deserve this treatment. You deserve  _so much more_. Why do you still love her when she doesn’t always protect you? When she doesn’t love only you? When she doubts you?” I asked, trying my best to hold in my anger.

 

“That’s the thing though. That’s what makes me love her. She doesn’t always protect me, she would always choose to protect the public over me. She doesn’t only love me, she loves everyone. Her family, Krypton, Earth, you name it. She doubts me, but that’s because she knows there’s always going to be good and evil in a person. If she doesn’t doubt me, she won’t be able to pull me back when I’m going down the wrong road. That’s what makes her the hero she is. And that’s what makes me love her.” Her face was glowing as she talked about Supergirl and each word she said felt like a jab into my gut. I looked away as I couldn’t stand looking at her,  _reminiscing someone else_.

 

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. I sped to the balcony, ready to leave until I heard Eve speak from the other side of the door. “Miss Luthor, the subject is here. Should we start preparations immediately?”

 

“That’s great. Let’s start the preparations. Give me a minute.” She replied and turned around to look at me.

 

“I have to go now. You can leave the same way you came. Oh, and I forgot to thank you for all the times you saved me before this. Thank you.” She said as she exited the room.

 

The moment she left the room, anger started to swell through my entire being. I just don’t get it.  _Why do you let someone who’s supposed to love you, hurt you? Why don’t you fight back? Why do you just accept it? Why don’t you realize you deserve better?_

 

“Supergirl successfully prevented a bomb explosion on 3rd Street. It’s reported th-” My thoughts were interrupted by the news report playing on the TV.  _If I can’t make you realize that you deserve better, then I guess I can only make Supergirl treat you better, even if that means breaking some bones._

  

* * *

 

 

**-Rooftop of a Building on 3 rd Street-**

 

“There she is.” I said the moment I spotted Supergirl in the crowd. At that moment I really wanted to just tackle her to the ground and beat some sense into her  _but the memory of Lena crying while I was hitting the woman she loves_ stopped me from doing so. I held in my anger and decided to lure her to me by shooting lasers from the rooftop. And surely, it worked as Supergirl was now stnading right in front me.  

 

“Starikov… You’re the one who shot that? Why’d you do that? You could’ve hurt someone!” Supergirl said, her tone slightly irritated.

 

“Well I didn’t hurt anyone, did I? But  _you,_ you on the other hand, you definitely hurt someone.” I said through my clenched jaw. The anger that had been building up was getting harder and harder to control.

 

“What are you talking about? I didn’t hurt anyone.” When she said that, I just snapped.  _I can’t believe she actually thinks she didn’t hurt Lena._ I charged towards her and tackled her down.

 

“What did you say? You didn’t hurt anyone?! What about Lena then?” I tried punching her but she blocked my attack.

 

“How did you know what happened between us? Were you spying on us?!” She replied as she flipped me over.

 

“Because I was there. I heard how you lashed out at her over something as petty as a stupid haronelle and your stupid trust!” I spoke back as I regained my stance and threw back another punch.

 

“It’s Harun-El, and it’s not stupid! Trust, is the basis of the relationship between two people. Trust is important and she broke it.” She said as returns another punch.

 

“Were those things that important to you?” I said, blocking her punch.

 

“More important than Lena? Important enough to make her cry over it?” I asked. Based on the look on her face, she was obviously stunned by my question. As her guard was down, I mustered a powerful kick to her gut which sent her flying. I went after her and threw a few more punches and kicks while we were midair. We landed exactly right on my lookout rooftop.  

 

“While you were busy protecting the world,  _I protected her_. While you shared your love with the whole world,  _I only loved her_! While you doubted her,  _I trusted her_! I was always there for her when  _YOU WEREN’T._ Despite all this she still CHOSE YOU!” I shouted as I walked towards her.

 

“Well? Why are you acting shocked?” I said as I lifted Supergirl by the collar. “Did you really think she was icy as she looks? You should know better than that. You should know that under all that ice, there’s a heart. And  _you, Supergirl, you broke that heart._ ” I spat as I shoved her to the ground.  

 

“So you bett-” I was going to continue speaking but I picked up Lena’s voice coming from the basement of L-Corp.

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m sure Eve has already briefed you about the risks of this experiment. You ready?” Lena questioned. 

 

“Yes, she did. Dr. K, before we start, I was just wondering… Have you ever lost someone?” A man replied.

 

“Yeah. She was the only hero I ever had. My mother. My real one, not my adoptive one.”

 

“How old were you?”

 

“Four. We were visiting a family that lived somewhere by the water, a lake I think. It wasn't a very bright day, it was overcast, but my mom said that's where the magic was. It was the rain that made the green. So of course, she went swimming. She didn't come back.”

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

“No. See, I was there. I was with her on the shore, when she went in, and when she went under and I did nothing… I didn't run, I didn't cry. I just stood there. I just watched her die. And afterward, I was brought to this terrible family. And I have spent my life fighting their legacy, and their crimes and their evil deeds, but I've always known that deep down inside, I belonged with them. Just like them, I’m evil and unworthy of any love.” Lena said, her voice breaking.

  

* * *

 

 

“What have I done…” Supergirl spoke, which brought my attention from the conversation back to the super in front of me.  _I guess she's been listening into the conversation as well. Does she finally realize how much pain she caused?_

“Well I'm glad you realized how much pain you inflicted on her because you were too busy harping on trust. Do you want to know what else I heard when you decided to just walk away from her? She’s only doing this experiment because she’s afraid that you’ll be alone in the end. She wanted to make humans super so, YOU-” I said as I jabbed a finger to Supergirl’s chest, “AN IMMORTAL ALIEN, DON’T HAVE TO WATCH ALL YOUR LOVE ONES DIE BEFORE YOU.” I said as I shove these facts into her face.  _I can’t believe I have to teach this alien how much Lena loves her._

 

“Lena... I-I’m so… sorry…” Supergirl stutters as she hung her head low.

“You didn’t even think about that, did you? All you thought of was that stupid trust of yours.” I said spitefully.  _Why would she choose her over me?_ Before I could continue, Supergirl sped off.

 

 

“Supergirl!” I heard Lena call out.

 

“Hi. Sorry, I just need to borrow her for a while. I’ll bring her back in 10.” Supergirl said.

 

Soon after, I saw both of them appearing in the CEO’s office. The moment the door slammed shut Supergirl immediately embraced Lena into a tight hug.

 

“I’m sorry.” Supergirl whispered as she tightened the hug.

 

“Kara…”

 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have overreacted. I should have let you explain. I should have listened to your point of view. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to understand you and I know you’re disappointed in me. believe me, I’m disappointed in myself too. I can’t believe that I’m dumb enough to put stupid things like Harun-El and trust before you when I should have put you above everything else. And I-”

**“** Kara, you’re rambling again.”

 

“Oh, sorry. Old habit. But, I do mean every single word I said. And I feel like a dumbass for making you feel like you don’t deserve any love and-”

 

“Kara, it’s fine. I forgive you. Now, as much as I love to spend time with you, I have to get back to work and so do you. I’ll talk to you tonight, okay?”

 

“Okay, I’ll see you tonight then. Oh, and for the record, I don’t think you ever belonged to the Luthors. And you definitely shouldn’t blame yourself for your mother’s death. You were only four. There are hundreds of things that could've caused what happened that day by the lake. We know one thing that wasn't responsible, and that's you. You didn't cause it, you couldn't have stopped it. There was nothing you could do back then, it was just bad luck.”

 

“Were you eavesdropping?” Lena asked, pulling away slightly from their embrace so their eyes could meet.

 

“I  _may have accidentally overheard_  you talking while a friend was knocking some sense into me.” Supergirl said while grinning.

 

“You dork.”

 

“But hey, I’m  _your_  dork. I know I have a lot to make up to you because I was acting like a douchebag just now but for starters, I’m going to start my repentance by showering you with lots of hugs and kisses.” Supergirl said as she planted several quick kisses on Lena’s lips.

 

“Stop it…” Lena says as she’s chuckling.

 

Supergirl stopped and pressed their foreheads together and whispered, “I love you.”

 

“I love you too.” Lena replied as Supergirl held her tighter.

  

* * *

 

 

It felt like Deja vu all over again. I was yet again watching a scene where I wish I was the actor instead of the audience. A sudden realization struck me and my heart felt as if there was a hammer smashing it into a thousand pieces _. It’ll never be me, will it?  Because in the end, to Lena Luthor, it will always be Supergirl._

 

 

 

 


End file.
